February 15, 2020

Why I will never stop talking about it.

Over the years I have been asked more than once, either sincerely or thoughtlessly, "Why do you still talk about it?" when I shared about my miscarriage, and our son, Matthew.

And each time I found myself without a simple, succinct, or Biblical answer.

Until now.

The next time I am asked, "Why do you still talk about your miscarriage?"
I will reply, "Because it's not about ME."

I am one of the millions of women who have buried their babies.
And it will never end.

Women living in the darkness of miscarriage need someone who understands.
Someone who is willing to light a match that will dispel the darkness and prove she is not alone.
Someone who gets it.
Someone who identifies with their pain.
Their confusion.
Their sorrow.
Someone who may have a different story, but the same ending.
A pregnancy that is no more.
The death of a dream.

My miscarriage is not about ME.
It is just one small part of a greater whole.
A purpose known only by a holy, tender, compassionate God who allowed me to walk through a trial I never would have chosen on my own. Because He - had a plan.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. II Corinthians 1

I will NEVER stop talking.

I will never stop because there will always be a woman who needs to hear the struggles, pain, and depths of my heart ... because they match her own.

And hopefully, after she sees, and believes, that I truly understand her thoughts, emotion, and sorrow, she will trust me with her own heart.
And because she trusts me, she will let me lead her - to the Savior.

I may not have known the "why" when I had to bury my son, but I know it now.
And as long as I have breath I will be faithful to share my story over and over and over again, trusting the Lord to use it as He will.
Because He always does.